1.06.2009

Receiving revelation, part 3

D&C 9 holds what I think is the final big piece for receiving revelation. Ironically, I think that this is the first step.

We are told that in seeking answer to prayer, we must first study it out in our mind. In my opinion, this is one of the hardest parts. We can't just pray, asking God to tell us every decision we should make. We are to make what we think is the best decision, then seek God's approval.

If it is right, our bosoms will burn within us. If it is wrong, we will have a stupor of thought which will cause us to forget the very thing we were praying about.

I have experienced both of these kind of answers. For me personally, the bosom burning is more of my heart pounding -- like it's going to pop out of my chest. And the stupor of thought -- sometimes I literally forget what I'm praying for, either in the course of the prayer, or throughout the day. Sometimes it's just a feeling of great unease.

Also in this section, Oliver Cowdery was granted the power to translate, but lost the gift. It seems that he translated a little bit, then got scared. It says he lost the power because he feared. Then he was no longer able to translate. It was no longer right for him to translate.

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This has all come into play for me quite strongly in the past few months. My husband and I have been discussing having another child. I feel like we should have a baby, while he feels we should foster-to-adopt a specific little girl.

So how do we pray? We felt we needed to make a decision, then take that to the Lord, but what do we do when we feel so differently? We both felt we were right, and neither of us felt comfortable compromising.

We attended the classes to qukalify as foster parents, but still have some papers to send in. We also found out that the girl Superman felt so strongly about is in the process of being adopted by her foster family. Do we continue in the off-chance that something will happen and she'll become available? Or is this our answer? Ee're in the same position. I want a baby so badly, and feels strongly about continuing the adoption process for the 10-year-old girl. "It seems we are at an impasse."

I want to do what God wants me to do. I don't know if the strong longings I have for a baby are specifically from God, or simply motherly instincts. I know that part of it is that I want to bear more of my husband's children before he dies. (He feels pretty strongly that he's going to die young. But that's a post for another day.)

We just don't know what to do. Is this a stupor of thought? If so, which question does it answer? Foster? Natural? Neither? Not yet? My youngest is 2 1/2 -- I don't think we're done having kids since we've only got 2 and I'm only 25. And I don't want my youngest to be in kindergarten and my oldest baptized before I have another baby. I want my kids closer in age than that.

We've studied it out, but I think we're both praying for different things. When either of us pray that "we'll be open to God's will," I mean that he'll want a baby and he means that I'll want to adopt. Not exactly unified in purpose.

I feel like if it were right, God would remove these doubts and strong feelings for a baby from me. That I would want to foster to adopt.

What do you think? Have I let fear rule me? Or are my feelings legitimate?

1 comment:

Lolli said...

I have felt the same way (though about different issues) and here's what I would say--what you have described sounds like not a negative answer toward either decision, but no direct guidance either. If I were in your shoes, I would proceed forward slowly. Keep talking it out and make a decision. Start to act on that decision. I do trust that the Lord will never let me do something (big like that) that's wrong if I have turned myself over to him. He might not pick me up and set me on the right path, but he won't let me go all the way down the wrong path, either. The thing with your choice is that either one would be a blessing to your family and to the children you brought into your family. Have you considered that both choices might be "right"? Good luck, and keep us posted!
(I hope all of that made sense.)